Taking My Time Off: Life, Living and Making a Living

Straight outta my digital diary

 

First post: 9 May 2007 | 00:55 IST. This is the first post on my blog.

Part One: The First Heat in Delhi

It ain't easy meditating on the meaning of life. It is sometimes absurd what we all do, after a hard day's work, only to satisfy ourselves when we are merely spending our life. What it really means, we are so ignorant about our very existence.

In context of the search for meaning, education and career are so vital that I'm here, sitting in front of a PC, reflecting what is it all about, after admitting myself to a course for a master's degree in Mass Communication from an institute situated a great distance from home.Why do I have to acquire wealth and strive for eminence in the name of achieving success in life? Or is that I'm inclined to materialism?

Desires and ambitions have been conditioned to those of accomplishing extraordinary things in life while the dull reality reminds me I'm the usual me. Still off and on I have been losing myself in reverie dreaming away my life. I'm already 22 now. One of my friends who is two years older to me had three kids by my age. Well the number of kids one has ain't the parameter of a successful life.

Here comes the question of settling down in life. It calls for decisions, commitments and responsibilities besides the endeavour to excel in our chosen field, the station of our life.On one hand there are loads of things to be done while now and then I'm tempted to indulge in memories. Memories are dreams. I was fed up of drugs, violence and anarchy in my native place. I decided I need to get out of the fucking system, consoling myself if I can be good there will be one moron less in our world.Its been quite sometime I've been away from home on the other.

Sometimes I long to have kangsoi and morok metpa. Sometimes I wish I'm with my friends. All of them inform me any news about rock concerts, gigs and above all the time that has gone by in my truancy, whenever we chat on the phone, sms or e-mail each other. And sometimes I feel like I should run all the way to home. Still I'm here on the journey. My station of life is in journalism.Ultimately I'm a journeyman.

The roads are rough. Though I don't mind the potholes. In the intolerable heat of the summer or the chilly air of winter, life is all about the crusade against circumstances. Now and then the joy of discovering various paths in life is inexplicable. I've found a new home in realising life is a celebration.

Part Two: Into the Outside

 Freedom, morality, and the human dignity of the individual consists precisely in this; that he does good not because he is forced to do so, but because he freely conceives it,wants it, and loves it.
- Mikhail Bakunin 

Nowadays the summer heat is intolerable. With the onset of hot spell the torridity reminds me the need for making used to hardships. For the first time it occurs to me that I've taken a reasonable decision regarding my future. There are dreams to be accomplished and memories to be cherished. That life ain't a roller-coaster ride. For a bed of roses we have to deal how to unprickle the bloody thorns. Easier said than done but I'm looking into the outside. I maybe sluggish but I ain't a moron.

Freedom is a relative term. Immanuel Kant said that a man is really free only when he does what universal abstract reason tells him what he ought to do. There is no personal faith in authority or various established social system. Yet no man is an island. We can afford liberty but not a reckless way of lifestyles which I had been carrying on. I've been trying to be free without being independent. For reasons varied as my own infirmity and relationships with family, friends and the society as a whole. As if life is inured to struggle for our aims and goals to amass convictions.

In actuality, there are worries and problems. Insecurities about the future, repentance of the past , anxiety and indolence in the represent... some people says we should live in the Now while others opine we learn from experience. Wise men envisages we should give our best in anything we do without caring about the result.

Idealism pertains to spiritual growth. But what our anticipations are and the real existence are so different entities. Usually we mean to go to some universities, get a job, and settle down in life ever chasing new dreams. But my laziness which incapacitate to take new initiative has bamboozled with thoughts storming out of nowhere. Expectation and uncertainty. So much have been told about pessimism; a consistent frame of mind is highly commendable. After all I believe I'll be a man someday.

There is a great deal of injustice on our world. Personal convictions are mere knack for defining mortality according to each mentality. There is a clash between individuality and mankind. Reason does not always for explanation. No wonder there are so many places of worship in the vicinity. The universe originated out of unknown autochthonal circumstances and man created god. At the end of the day, it only matters how much can we sacrifice for our destination.