of/to/for/on my muse: rants and recitations

delight and daydreams

1xxx

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you be doing the things that you always do

i can see you only when you’re ready

walking on this tight rope, never

knowing what i do is ever helpful

still if i ever get a chance

I’ll cup your face and tell you

how many moments have disappeared into oblivion

—just because you have been in your world

and i only want to be a tiny part of that world

come lockdown or any chance to prove this right

—yes, by any means, and yeah, well

you just be doing the things that you always do

2xxx

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this morning i was flipping through a thick white book

my inside has given up, knowing by now

it’s already a given

it’s limerence that i feel

it’s such a big word but i’m helpless

only my inside will know what’s real

it’s as real as you are, though

i only want to fall myself into a right context

and all i have are just words for now

and this thick white book cannot help anymore

perhaps it’s your presence, your smile

like always, which make all the difference

3xxx

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this fine yet thickest line is one of a kind

just as mornings are separated from midnights

just as my feelings are from hers

but when we come from different worlds

when we live in different worlds

things are getting, as they say, fucked up

this fine yet thickest line is one of a kind

just as my confirmation and her unconsciousness are

it’s also too difficult

because we come from different worlds

and we live in different worlds

oh, this sickness of becoming one

4xxx

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our familiarity is just too obvious now

perhaps this has been the turning point

but that’s not the point now

i want to write verses in this realisation

while she sings for i know she sings well

let the guitar and uke absorb all they can

from how she smells so sweet to how she sings

the song will be equally ambrosial

let our song be a communion

let the melody be a memory

let these moments be indelible

and all i want now is just this song for her

5xxx

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when you’re in India

when you find the muse

—indirectly because you’re not any issue anymore

when you’re in India

when you find the muse

—yesterday when I see her in real and my dreams

i want to get rid of all the boundaries

india cannot help in this area;

but her consent

i found it was a condition

—yet india or not

you and i belong together

6xxx

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it would be an understatement

that i love spending time with you

when you are wanted for eternity

i’m already here so close to you

ask me not what i can do

ask me how long i can wait

how long i can ignore the world

just so that i can be with you

and it’s all written over

i’m already here and you just signal

only the time with you can tell

i can give it all to you and nothing much else

7xxx

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it’s probably known what i do 

coddling you is what i do

it does matter not what i do

but what more i can do

spoil you is the best i can do

there’s always more for you i can do

but see the green eyes around

the disruption and distraction

let’s pretend they know not what they do

still, for you, i will do what i do the best

treat you like you’re the proverbial princess

and this is just one of the many things i will do for you

trials and tribulations

1xxx

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these days, the best days are set in stones

yet it’s ironic often we don’t have the best days

when it’s already known how the best days are marked

even more so that i have to cross so many lines

if only the animals know

and the worst is also in reading the energy

when i’m here longing and all that you do is ignoring

i want to make a glass out of the energy

on days set in stone 

and let you drink all that is there

otherwise the worst days are literally the worst

when you don’t even know i exist

2xxx

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if only she knew a half of this:

a half of things i would i do

the other half i wouldn’t

for that’s how the things are now

like shamelessly, like in the open

i’d do half of the things i’m supposed to

and the other half i’m not

all because of merely an affirmation

that she does know

yet she does not 

and this is killing me

if only she’d take my body and soul away

3xxx

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there will be a time when we become strangers

more so, that you’re no more here

and i’m not there any more

when i ever see you again i will mask it

i have so much to appreciate you

that’s just counting on luck that we’ll meet again

is this how we leave this world?

one day so close, the other so apart

in death i will embody peace

but there’s so still much in this lifetime desperately

like how i ever want you to smile and be cheerful

like how i want you to find your true calling in life 

4xxx

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it is so paradoxical 

when leaving means too much of you

in me, inside, unrelentingly

if only there were one last time

but i have almost given up now

while still suffering

if only all the things can be set in black and white

if only there were no norms

for you belong somewhere else

somewhere, anywhere but here

here where i am

i’m sacrificing everything for you