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What’s in a name?



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What’s in a name? That which we call Bolywood
By any other word would stink as the shithole in Slumdog Millionaire;
So India would, were it not India call’d... 
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Last week, two ministers of an Indian state were caught watching porn on a cellphone while in the assembly. It has taken parliamentary decorum to a new high. The two farts also remind me of a local elder, who used to carry three 4GB phone memory cards: two of them for storing porn clips which he grouped according to the country a video belongs to, and a third card which he used for his personal photos and videos, though not necessarily obscene.

The cameraman had done what he must. Imagine his sinister smile while capturing the shots, as if he has nothing to focus his machine on, but he did well mixing business with pleasure. Call it the best names?

Back to the news after the break: These two erectile ministers belong to a right-wing political party, so conscious of the Hindu ideals and cultural drat and dump. However, this is just another absurdity of the talking shop called the assembly or the house and this and that. Media people say it was during a serious deliberation on some public issues, whatever heck it was; and they were quick to jot it down on their notebook and headlined the issue as the Porngate. A what-gate?

There is something called the Watergate scandal, popularised by the global media controllers of the United States of America. But this term is original. Watergate is a name they have created out of their mental foundry. And the Porngate...? It is preceded, remember, by the Radiagate of the 2G Scam that has been tickling every arse in this country. Perhaps the India Gate tempts the media morons but it will be undeserved sympathy to ignore their creative rust in labelling issues and events. What if they start suffixing all the so-called bloody national affairs with a –gate: A Hundredgate for Sachin Tendulkar scoring the anticipated century in cricket in a losing match, a Lokpalgate for the government’s failure because of opposition’s covert lobbying in passing the anti-corruption bill, an AFSPAgate for some useless army operations killing and raping the people in the Northeast and so on?

This is not the end. Call me names, India, Sir ji, but you are so unimaginative in naming or calling names for that matter. Take the case of Bolywood. Don’t say it is included in the Oxford English dictionary, we know it is, but do say Holywood was an entertainer who used to perform naked dance shows in Bombay. And do take some inspiration from Ramayan and Mahabharat; the latter, the longest epic which has around 1.8 million words (so does Wikipedia say) will give substantial creative prompts to name and label.

In fact, Khajuraho is the perfect place to start if there is any mental block. The two ministers, who were caught watching the clips, are also more innovative taking adult clips in a Democracy’s sacred building as a symbolic gesture of free expression. They were possibly influenced by Sunny Leone who came to India a couple of months back, otherwise they belong to a party that could influence their supporters to burn down cinema halls for showing indecent movies. Now I got to call the old man in my locality and ask him how many memory cards he is carrying these days.

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Breaking News for the 100th day: The army chief has lost his birth certificate on his way to the Headquarter. Anybody, if you find it, please sms iFOUND_your-name and send it to 5455. You will be compensated dearly.

Filler: In the past four years alone, the Home Ministry has rejected at least 42 requests to sanction the prosecution of military personnel found by the police to have engaged in crimes such as murder, homicide and rape in Kashmir, data obtained by The Hindu reveal.

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