Posted by All Kaps

You Can Live To Be 150 But What You Should Do Is Shocking

Warning: This is a click-bait article with a headline intentionally written in a way to grab your attention.

Before we begin, let me state it clearly: This is a science of boredom.

How do you spend your time when you are hopelessly bored? Well.

I thought this was shocking but what happened next changed everything, as I realise I’m not a content schmuck-cum-strategist. Neither am I into search engine optimisation and nor am I a magical doctor who knows anything about life expectancy. Neither have I any intention to fool you with a deceptive headline.

Albeit the fact is that I’m just too bored currently with no links on social media that read like A Boy Makes Nationalist Comments in Front of the Prime Minister, the PM’s Reply: Outrageous or What This Limbless Jerker Did Is Extraordinary or You Will Shit in Your Pant When You See What a Hindu Fascist Discovered or I Thought It Was Inhumane But Then I Saw This One-minute Video of a Man from Burma or If You Can Listen to This and Not Puked, Then You Are Wiser Than Albert Einstein or Try Not to Fall Off Your Chair When You Listen To This Two-headed Baby or I’ll Never Look at India the Same Way Again—so I thought why not create a headline and start rambling because I have also refreshed the home pages of Bored Panda, 9Gag, Cheezburger, Behance and Arts & Letters Daily more than ten times in less than half an hour.

Yet but there had been no update and I cannot sit still; for that matter the only time when my body is at rest is when I doze off while checking all the latest videos on YouTube from my subscription list or whichever clips and movie-length videos I can before I turn into a log; and now apparently I’m in an ‘unrest’ and ‘unlogged’ mode and hence again, a headline that is followed with a meaningless rant.

Despite the boredom, my most minuscule sense of humanity tells me, for the sake of ethics, that I should at least offer something if I have made a promise—which in our case is on your life expectancy or longevity as a few longevitologists prefer to name it—for which to begin with, you can live to be 150 years old if you transform yourself into a bowhead whale.

If you transform yourself, it will not be just 150 but more than 200 as whalelorists have found from their scientific studies. so the chance of living to be 150 is more promising than an article with a sensational headline that assures you like how a condom will appear in the 22nd century but then you find it is a meaningless illustration by a young Calvin-and-Hobbes fan or at worse, just a spam with bugs that slow down your overheated laptop.

To cut to the chase, if you are unable to transform into a whale, well, then ensure that you don’t get hit by a cow or a truck. This is also because all over the world, longevity has been increasing by a couple of years every decade and you can live to be 100 regardless of your present location in this universe.

As for today only a handful of countries have 80-plus years as the overall lifetime expectancy rate. Meantime, it is okay to read a weekly horoscope but you will never see your life the same again as the stars realign when you read this lifetime horoscope. Read on!

Fun fact of the day: Okinawa in Japan holds the record for the highest number of oldest people in the world. Perhaps you can try the Okinawa diet which is very popular and believed to be the reason behind world-record longevity.