Mahadeva: the Greatest God of Penis

Laaibakta súm poolaga panthou haina koubada hao haina khoom-mee,
lookhamda súm poolaga palem haina koubada hao haina makhoom-mee.


Our religion is always the best. Nothing is more sacred and special. After all it gives us, in spirit and body, an identity; most of the other things give it only in spirit. But what happens when this offering gives us a deviated image of ourselves? Sad but true, this is the real problem. Shrugging it away, it sounds relatively easy; and there is the mostly likely reply that religion is a personal matter.

Courtesy: Yosarian
No, the god cannot belong to you only. It is an object as a whole, its parts are each one of us, including my fellow atheists for no man is an island. Individually, we can be the most hardcore atheists but the religious people always scratch our ass and get our attention.

All the world's a stage and so many things happen in the green room. There was a time long before when the god was an infant and how men and women used to live like monkeys. In those days, there were very few gods that were objectified from the natural world like the sun and the moon. Then man started becoming gods. Some other become god-men.

Let's go back again. We had no notion how god look like; still our imagination was so wild and had assumed our god is only where we have came from; and so comes the image of the reproductive organs of the male and the female. In this context, we are talking about Mahadeva, the greatest god of penis. It is vividly described in the book of the believers that the image (left), the object of mass worship, are the reproductive organs: lingam and yoni respectively, and the copulation is what makes us, it is our creator. There is also a Meitei belief, an equivalent of the Big Bang Theory, though it is related to the big bang of the sex cells, rather than some heavenly explosion, which create life.

Nowadays, though, we have every kind of gods in different forms and structures. One of the consequences, from the consciousness of sexual organs as our creator is the worshiping of Mahadeva. Sounds like an act of perversion, isn't it? Man has become more refined and Mahadeva is now projected as half-man and half-woman. Like the crore of gods, he has also got an image, as evident in the framed posters and well-carved idols. How long would have Mahadeva taken to transform himself from a rock-solid penis made of stone to an identifiable poster-god?

Religion is the opium of the people.
Image from Amit Goyal

From the perspective of the Hinduism that we follow and non-Aryans like us, on the other hand, we have to incorporate these words, such as lingam and yoni in our vocabulary. This is just the beginning. We have to read the books, we have to go to Brindabon, we have to name ourselves from those books and so on. This is done at the cost of our own identity that has developed independently from our roots but which has now become an adjective to the term 'crisis'.

It might not matter in developed world where economic activities oil the machinery of society, but the case is entirely different for a group of people so less in number and who are struggling in ethnic conflicts and all-round disorder. So devotees and worshipers cannot simply shrug away that it is a personal choice, for the simple reason that the god affects all of us. If you want to worship alone, why are you building temples at my gate? Flashing reproductive organs with garlands and petals, foreskin a forehead smeared with vermilion and washed with milk! Is this not the object of worship in every Phairen (February-March) of the Meitei calendar? High on grass and full on phola, which is a kind of porridge!

Standing ovation
Mahadeva is the greatest god of penis. What do devout porn stars worship? Answer no required. But the only thing he inspires me is to smoke grass.

The Hindus are very finicky about cleanliness. In fact there are social practices like untouchability and ostracisation. I believe Mahadeva was a god of the tribes in the northern part of India, when the Aryans arrived from the Central Asia and elsewhere. The purest Aryan race after the Nordics of the Nazis, therefore, incorporated the dirty Mahadeva with ash stained on his forehead, snakes curled up his neck and who sits on the tiger skin. Though this consolidation by the Aryans was just one of the many divine steps in creating the 33 crore gods and goddesses.

First the marijuana, my another weakness is falling for the gorgeous goddesses whose photos and idols are available at every street corner.

From the greatest god of the penis and much to his prowess, Mahadeva had also chopped off his son's head and had replaced it with an elephant's. Even his wife, after an extramarital affair with the air-god (a relative of the Last Airbender?) did become a Meitei at the Nongmai-Ching, which has also transformed into a sanskritised Baruni Hills formed from the sperm of the greatest god of penis.

More than anything else, what piss me off is the substitution of our penisless gods — the primeval deities in a very authentic manner, thanks to the Bengali missionaries. And many of the cultural entities have been replaced with an equivalent Hindu belief or thought, which is worse than blasphemy. Believers, extortionists, administrators, patriots, drug addicts, and government unite! You have nothing to lose but your balls. Let there be a belief system we can call our own. Let the spirit and the body willingly blend with no room for hesitation. For more details, please visit the sacred neighbourhood of Bamon Leikai in Imphal. God bless you and I pray you have the biggest sexual organs. Amen.

Mahadeva and his contemporaries
Five Inspiring Religions That Worship Penises



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