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‘Kangla Ngakouta’ Annual Awards of Achievement

By a Special Correspondent

IMPHAL WEST, 22 July: In a first of its kind, the Kangla Ngakouta Canned Fish Inc has successfully organised an annual awards of achievement. The incumbent chief minister Okram Ibobi Singh has won the man of the year award; and 14 other winners in diverse areas of public interest also won prizes at the holy event.

A press release from the Kangla Ngakouta indicates the jury has selected only original natives (except in the category of the Samaritans of the Year) in consideration of the award as a moral support to the existing campaigns of the Inner Line Permit System.



•    Man of the Year: Okram Ibobi for remaining as close to 15 years as a slave master of the region and his mastery over property as in buying as many as plots of land as he can in prime locations around the Imphal town and beyond

 
    Woman of the Year: Mary Kom for her nomination into the upper house of the Indian parliament and if we go by insider reports and if the Kangla Ngakouta survives, she is expected to win in the 2017 edition also if Mrs Kom can surpass the records of Sachin Tendulkar and Rekha in attendance and raising starred questions in the house




•    Samaritan of the Year: Joint winner: The Indian Army and paramilitary forces – for treating 58 dysentery patients, 89 diarrhoea patients, 47 patients suffering from indigestion; and  during 2015–16 and above all, for lifting the ideals of democracy and their inimitable civic action programmes



•    Filmmaker of the Year: Aribam Syam (Who else could it be? Film enthusiasts have always maintained that there was once a competitor to Mr Aribam but the guy had slipped and fell down while taking a crane shot and died many years ago) 



•    Organisation of the Year: Manipur Police – for redefining terror, taking up the role of the army, spreading fear psychosis and for training the most number of loyal and ferocious dogs who are known popularly as commandos




•    Brand of the Year: Kangla Ngakouta: Teach Fishing for a Lifetime
The award ceremony was briefly disrupted while announcing the winner in this category—not that the organiser has been selected as the winner—but a reliable source mentions some people had protested against the naming of every entity and brand, with a prefix of ‘Kangla’, ‘Sangai’, ‘Siroy’ or ‘All Manipur’, etc.




•    Institution of Recognition of the Year: The Manipur Public Service Commission for its never-ending farces and offering humour to people whose lives are otherwise cursed by conflicts and tragedies





•    General Manager of the Universe of the Year: Binalakhsmi Mathurai Goswami for her noble ideas to appropriate all kinds of fund-able NGO projects and modify our lives as a grand project that should be ‘funded’ and ‘maintained’




•    CSO of the Year: The Joint Committee on the Inner Line Permit System for its relentless fight and untiring efforts to declare we are law-abiding people and will do anything to reach a political goal within the context of the Constitution of India by declaring itself as a civil society organisation but representing only the Meiteis




•    Doctor of the Year: The Sinam couple for their entrepreneurial wonder in the field of medicine and the ability to bargain in buying 500 sets of fake teeth at ₹150,000 per set, which usually costs ₹1,500 in dental clinics around Paona Bazar and Thangal Bazar




•    Judge of the Year: Takhellambam Chaoba, president of the Tronglaobi Youth Club, for taking all the right decisions in solving locality’s domestic issues and for the record number of exiles his club had imposed on alleged criminals and their families during 2015–16




•    Highwayman of the Year: Thuingaleng Muivah for his power in leading the NSCN IM and the sidekicks while simultaneously helping sponsor economic blockades at the drop of a hat on one of the primary highways that connect Manipur to India




•    Entrepreneur of the Year: Joint Winner – Contractors, smugglers and MLA aspirants for their ceaseless multitasking activities to entertain and fuck with the public at once; Okram Henry and Sapam Agush received the award on behalf of the team [Incidentally a Tony Montana look-alike jury member had asked whether the Okram people have an inborn talent for robbery and smuggling]




•    Pressure Group of the Year: The JAC Against Anti-Tribal Bills for its articulation on existential crises faced by a few suited and booted tribal leaders; meanwhile, Kangla Ngakouta mentioned a memento was given as a consolation to the JAC against the Misconduct of Manipur Public Service Commission Examination 2016 for carrying out the responsibilities of the MPSC (see Institution of Recognition of the Year) as officials of the commission have been busy counting the money they had received as ‘donation’



•    Ngakouta Animal of the Year: Me. Because. Ngakouta or not. I. Am. The. Animal. Of. The. Year. Deal. With. It. 


Note

All the trophy icons on this post are originally made by Freepik on FlatIcon.




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